October 14, 2010 § Leave a comment
the day that i moved to portland, i didn’t cry. shocking, i know.
was it because the night before, i had cried my eyes out off and on all evening due to an impending goodbye? was it because i was just too focused and anxious to go and get settled in my new place? was it because i just wasn’t sad to leave? i don’t know. (more than likely, it’s because of the first option. my eyes just give up after a while when i cry that much.)
last weekend, i visited home for the first time since i moved. on monday morning, it was time for me to head back over the mountain. my brothers were still asleep. as i hugged my mom good-bye, i could tell that she was tearing up a little, so, for her sake, i kept it together… but the very second that i knew my car was out of sight, i completely lost it. i cried almost the entire time i was driving through redmond.
when i told my friend, eric, about this, he said, “you don’t realize how much you love home until you leave.” and… isn’t that the truth? it was so, so wonderful to be home, even though my weekend was short.
i didn’t leave portland until saturday morning, and to no surprise, it was raining. but it wasn’t until i got on the road did it start raining hard. REALLY hard. i’m not the most experienced driver, i get that. to get home, i took the Santiam Pass, and… let’s just say that the drivers don’t take too kindly to a terrified driver going 45mph because her tiny car with its tiny tires are hydroplaning every five minutes. to make a long story short, it was probably the worst three and a half hour car drive of my entire life. my knuckles and fingers were sore from gripping the steering wheel non-stop for so long. my shoulders ached from holding all my tension there for hours. oh, and let it be known that i cried. not only because of the frustration and anxiety, but also because i was listening to coldplay’s entire discography for the duration of the trip. great idea, right? nope!
by the time i was finally home, i was so traumatized and exhausted (not to mention that i was still trying to get over a truly gnarly cold that kept me in bed for days) that i just crawled into bed with my dog and stayed there most of the day. (i also failed to mention that i had gone to bed at 5am and got about two and a half hours of sleep before getting on the road. it’s okay, i question my own intelligence, too.) while it would seem that doing so would be a total waste of a short weekend at home, it was the most comforted i had felt in a while.
sunday was spent getting in as much family time and central oregon time as possible. and it was good. :)
thankfully, i drove home with blue skies, dry roads, and extremely little traffic. back to reality.
the week predeceasing the visit home was wonderfully filled with even more familiar faces! my good friend and former green plow co-worker, candice was in portland for the day, so i skipped my monday-evening class to grab a latte with her. pumpkin spice plus fulfilling (and greatly missed) conversation truly made my day very blessed.
later that week, my friends kevin and emily came to visit! i got to finally show someone, other than my family, my new apartment, and afterwards we went out to a yummy dinner and caught up on life. it was really lovely. :)
i think it was very easy to take life back home for granted. when people ask me how it feels to be in a place so different, the same thing always comes to mind, “it’s great. it’s just scattered.” i’ve probably said this before, but seriously, the thing i miss most is having everything and everyone i love in one place.
it’s been an exhilarating first month. i think i’ve done alright…
this weekend, if nothing else, i for sure plan on heading downtown pdx and reuniting myself with how much i love this new place. that should ease some of the homesickness. :)
at the same time, i don’t want to take life right now for granted, either. perhaps we all should just work on “not taking anything for granted – ever”… all of these experiences have their place in our growth. it’s difficult and lonely some days, and other days are really pleasant and joyful. and i will have both kinds of days, no matter how near or far away i am from home. it’s a learning process… learning to be thankful always, in any given circumstance. it’s humbling. really.
all in all, i am just really thankful that the people and places i adore the most are merely hours away.
and i would drive on horribly, frighteningly wet roads a million times over to get to be around the things i love most in this world.
but i’d still cry about it.
be thankful. give love.
ps: it never ceases to amaze me that even in the pouring rain… oregon is so, so incredibly beautiful. geeze, we’re blessed.