getting lost.

December 3, 2010 § Leave a comment

ever since i got my own car, there seems to be this instinctive or compulsive thing i do: every time i feel trapped, every time i feel helpless or overwhelmed or even just too over-come by a specific emotion, i just need to go… i just have to.

like, on this day...

or... on this day, where i ended up at a bookstore 20 miles from home, and decided to read poetry all afternoon.

or on this day; where i needed to escape from school and go for a nice, freezing cold walk at a nearby park... covered in geese-poo.

i’ll spare you the specific reasons as to why, tonight, i threw on some clothes, got into my car, and just started driving north.

but, i’m glad i did.

my GPS stayed turned off.
i ended up in beautiful downtown portland.
and i drove over the beautiful hawthorne bridge.
and then… i just… kept driving.

and it was while i was doing this that a very strange feeling got stirred up within me.
it’s really hard to explain.
i couldn’t even really say if it was necessarily a “good” or “bad” feeling.

maybe, i just needed to see some lights.
maybe i just needed to feel small amidst something so alive and big, instead of at the center of my own frustrating, exhausting universe.

i love this place. i really, really do…
it just gets hard to love it all alone, all the time.

praying for… everything.
– d.

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