December 11, 2010 § 6 Comments
no, i have not been to sleep yet. that is because i have managed to mess up my sleeping patterns once again… it happened immediately after finals. i can’t say i’m really surprised…
i’m currently packing up 23 or so days worth of clothing and junk so that i can head back to central oregon in a little over two hours.
equipped with some homemade iced coffee and a super kick-ass playlist i just compiled (lady gaga will be making a few appearances), i’m really hoping to stay fully awake on my 3+ hour journey over the mountain… fingers crossed.
right now, i’m honestly really relieved to be going home.
i’ve had a lot of mixed feelings over the past week, not necessarily just about going home, but just about… well, everything. but this morning i feel okay.
i’m trying really, really hard to appreciate the present for exactly what it is… for this moment that god has put in front of me.
what am i going to do with it?
well… i’m working on making it the best i can be… instead of always dwelling on what hurts, what is stressful, what is wrong…
god does a really funny thing for me… he will see me on a day where i feel really weak; on a day where everything, all at once, is weighing down me and i don’t know if i am strong enough to keep holding myself up… and on days like that, where nothing is going right, out of the blue, a complete stranger on the street will offer me kind, uplifting and encouraging words.
an amazing and inspirational conversation will occur with a good friend.
the sun will come out and i will get the chance to take a photograph that i’m really proud of.
or someone who i hardly know will take my breath away with random compassion and sweetness towards me.
all of these things occurred recently… all on days where i least expected. all on days where i did not anticipate much goodness or positivity.
sometimes, i really wonder how i could be deserving of the incredible, beautiful, amazing people who have been put into my life… people who bring such light and strength…
i really do not know.
but it is truly a blessing to, for once, be overwhelmed with love, instead of being overwhelmed with all the other things life seems to throw at me.
in my late-night-insomnia-internet-adventures last night, i created a mellow pandora station. at one point, they played “your love is a song” by switchfoot.
to make a long story short: i love switchfoot. the last time i saw them in concert, i was brought to tears.
every one, i think, connects with their spirituality in different ways… and one of the ways that i connect with mine… is to listen to switchfoot.
anyways, in the song i heard last night… jon foreman sings:
“i’ve been keeping my eyes wide open…
oh, your love is a symphony.
all around me,
running through me.
oh, your love is a melody.
running to me.
all your love is a song.
oh, your love is a song…
your love is strong.
i’ve got my eyes wide open.
i’ve been keeping my hopes unbroken.
your love is my remedy.
all your love is a song.”
a love that runs through me, even when i am undeserving. a love that is all around me, even when i feel alone. a love that gives all of my hopes and my dreams life. overwhelming grace.
love is my remedy.