December 11, 2010 § 6 Comments

it’s 4:40am.
no, i have not been to sleep yet. that is because i have managed to mess up my sleeping patterns once again… it happened immediately after finals. i can’t say i’m really surprised…
i’m currently packing up 23 or so days worth of clothing and junk so that i can head back to central oregon in a little over two hours.
equipped with some homemade iced coffee and a super kick-ass playlist i just compiled (lady gaga will be making a few appearances), i’m really hoping to stay fully awake on my 3+ hour journey over the mountain… fingers crossed.

right now, i’m honestly really relieved to be going home.
i’ve had a lot of mixed feelings over the past week, not necessarily just about going home, but just about… well, everything. but this morning i feel okay.
i’m trying really, really hard to appreciate the present for exactly what it is… for this moment that god has put in front of me.
this morning.
this day.
what am i going to do with it?
well… i’m working on making it the best i can be… instead of always dwelling on what hurts, what is stressful, what is wrong…

god does a really funny thing for me… he will see me on a day where i feel really weak; on a day where everything, all at once, is weighing down me and i don’t know if i am strong enough to keep holding myself up… and on days like that, where nothing is going right, out of the blue, a complete stranger on the street will offer me kind, uplifting and encouraging words.
an amazing and inspirational conversation will occur with a good friend.
the sun will come out and i will get the chance to take a photograph that i’m really proud of.
or someone who i hardly know will take my breath away with random compassion and sweetness towards me.
all of these things occurred recently… all on days where i least expected. all on days where i did not anticipate much goodness or positivity.

sometimes, i really wonder how i could be deserving of the incredible, beautiful, amazing people who have been put into my life… people who bring such light and strength…
i really do not know.
but it is truly a blessing to, for once, be overwhelmed with love, instead of being overwhelmed with all the other things life seems to throw at me.

in my late-night-insomnia-internet-adventures last night, i created a mellow pandora station. at one point, they played “your love is a song” by switchfoot.
to make a long story short: i love switchfoot. the last time i saw them in concert, i was brought to tears.
every one, i think, connects with their spirituality in different ways… and one of the ways that i connect with mine… is to listen to switchfoot.
anyways, in the song i heard last night… jon foreman sings:

“i’ve been keeping my eyes wide open…

oh, your love is a symphony.
all around me,
running through me.
oh, your love is a melody.
underneath me,
running to me.
all your love is a song.

oh, your love is a song…
your love is strong.

i’ve got my eyes wide open.
i’ve been keeping my hopes unbroken.

your love is my remedy.
all your love is a song.”

a love that runs through me, even when i am undeserving. a love that is all around me, even when i feel alone. a love that gives all of my hopes and my dreams life. overwhelming grace.

love is my remedy.

– d.


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§ 6 Responses to grace.

  • Rodney Herschbach says:

    just going through facebook and saw that you had your own website. i thought that it was cool so i clicked it and it brought me here. thank you so much for this. it is what i needed to hear today. God bless :)

  • Jordan says:

    “I don’t hate you cause you’re fat, you’re fat cause i hate you.”
    But in all seriousness, cheer up. Good things are happening. Stuff is starting to work itself out. Whats meant to be, will come to be.

  • Annmarieeee says:

    hey dahling,

    i love your blog. so much. your words are honest and raw. please please please be a columnist for the new york times or something fabulous like that! you would rock at it.

    je t’aime babe.

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