July 11, 2011 § Leave a comment
in my senior year of high school, i took a lot of art classes.
at the end of the year… i was in a painting class. and my teacher used to let me sit and paint even after the period was over.
i used to go out back by myself and sit in the grass. it was sunny and warm — about mid-may. and i used to just sit in the sun and paint what i saw while listening to coldplay.
i was so happy.
June 18, 2011 § Leave a comment
that i could just sit at a huge table with all the people in the whole wide world that i love and have a long, long conversation over coffee.
one of those nights.
i have some thoughts that, in a few days, will hopefully be cohesive enough for me to write down. i need to give them some time, though.
hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.
May 10, 2011 § Leave a comment
where to start.
i just feel like i have some things to say. i’m tired of bottling things up.
i think i’m frustrated.
well… part frustrated. maybe with myself. with others.
part anxious. so restless. SO restless!
in my downtime, i always just wanna go go go go go go go. do this and this and this. i can’t keep up.
i think lately i’ve just been craving real, true human connection.
i talked to my best friend on the phone for four hours on sunday evening. and it still didn’t feel like enough. in a sense, it felt like it barely scratched the surface.
anxious to travel. england has been on my heart like craaaazy.
anxious for photos.
anxious for learning. growing.
i’ve just been getting so lost in my deepest desires and my feelings. it’s so hard to find balance.
i’m trying. really hard.
i miss the long trips over the mountain and through the valley i used to take when living in pdx and eugene… i miss it.
i don’t know if anything will ever be good enough.
… just really frustrated.
i need to get away.
also, i’m really hungry and i absolutely hate dieting but i hate being insecure even more. it’s not fair. god, i could really go for some comfort food right about now…
ps: “swag” is a really unintelligent and unattractive word, and people who say it make me feel grossed out. stop it.
April 23, 2011 § Leave a comment
what are you missing out on?
is it worth it?
how connected are you?
do you ever get dizzy? i do.
do you feel alienated?
why so green and lonely.
what matters to you?
what annoys you?
why don’t you do something about it?
why do you feel guilty now that you have done something about it?
what makes you angry?
what are you passionate about?
what do you look like?
how apathetic are we?
how helpless are we?
how powerful are we?
how selfish are we?
do you utilize all of your limbs?
are you thankful?
how frustrated are you?
can you hear the clock?
what do you want? right now. be honest.
who do you love?
don’t forget to breathe.
i forget sometimes.
are you tired?
… how tired?
how’s your heart?
what are you made of?
how do you escape?
who do you miss?
where do you want to go?
how are you feeling?
i’m good. you? good.
why are we afraid?
why are we so insecure?
do you feel vulnerable?
how shallow are we?
why right now?
why this body?
these choices. these struggles.
the next day?
this clock is loud.
i’ll look into your eyes when we speak. i promise.
March 18, 2011 § Leave a comment
maybe i just want to breathe.
maybe i just don’t believe.
maybe you’re the same as me. we see things they’ll never see.
lately, did you ever feel the pain in the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone?
maybe i will never be all the things that i want to be.
but now is not the time to cry.
now’s the time to find out why.
i think you’re the same as me. we see things they’ll never see.
you and i are gonna live forever.
March 7, 2011 § Leave a comment
do you ever just feel like you want to talk? just talk. and have someone listen. like, really listen.
i want to talk about music. and art. and film. and travel… i want to talk about these things really, really badly.
for hours. and i want to listen, too.
… i’m so tired of… this.
i really am.
come back and talk to me.